Just rip it off — a review of German veterinary medicine

Following removal of the “claw.”

Rip it off, take it off*, cut you off**, flip you off***. There seems to be an underlying haste in this country, or at least in Köln, underscored by our visits to the vet — which I mostly appreciate.

Rewind a few months: Kaya has some weird fetal-looking claw growing from one of her toes. We go to vet, where her doctor proceeds to tear it off, glove-less, roll it around in her fingers a few times, shrug, say “huh,” stick it on a slide, and tell me to call back in a few days with the results of the “biopsy.”  Only after this hasty maneuver does she put antibiotic ointment on the now-gushing hole in Kaya’s foot, wrap it in gauze, and send us off on our way. I was initially quite shocked, but Kaya is still with us.

Now, fast-forward a few months to last week. Breezy has a similarly strange growth on the lower part of her little peg-leg. So, we go to the vet, where the doctor — again, glove-less — squeezes it hard and … tears it off! Only this time she opts NOT to send it off to the lab because, “if it doesn’t grow back, it’s likely not cancer.” It has not grown back. Breezy also received an antibiotic shot and some friendly pats accompanied by, “Du bist ein gutes Mädchen!” (Repeat x 10, at least). (Translation: “You are a good girl!”)

Total cost per visit: Less than 30 Euros.

Compare this to the U.S., where we’d have to come back in a few days for a scheduled “surgical” procedure, complete with scalpels, rubber gloves, and all sorts of antiseptics, likely to the tune of $200-$300. What we get instead is German vet-the-ripper, but I’m surprisingly OK with it.

Yes, the dogs are my children, but they are also dogs. They roll in and ingest random animal feces. They inhale entire chicken wings. They swallow toy pigs and rubber chickens. They drink out of toilets and pick through the trash. They sniff butts. And, they walk around bare-pawed and naked even when it’s 20 degrees out and snowing.

And generally, the vets here are less expensive, more interested in natural treatments, and are not inclined to test every freckle (I swear, Breezy received a shot comprised of crushed maple leaves and pine bark to support her immune system one day).**** Plus, they are quite affectionate with the dogs (and speak English).

So, I’m not really sure what the moral of the story is. Perhaps that culture shock can sometimes just be shocking (hence the term), but in some cases, these other cultures might get it right (or at least not wrong). Therefore, I’m learning to accept.

Now, I’m still  not sure how to handle the aggressiveness while waiting in line, nor am I yet accustomed to the supersonic grocery scanners. I’ll get back to you.

Notes:

*Human doctors in Germany pretty much always want you to take your clothes off. When in doubt (or when you don’t understand what they’re saying), just get naked.

**Cars here, at least on our street, are prone to aggressive maneuvers, particularly around our small “roundabout” (or rotary, as we call them in MA).

***If you (as a hypothetical German) get cut off or beeped at by another person in a car/van/three-wheeled miniature truck, you are likely to then run down the street screaming at the offender with both middle fingers up. My neighbor is a great case study on this one. (The term likely might be a stretch since I haven’t conducted statistical research).

****Dr. Meg, you are exempt from the criticism of American vets. But you are probably also not reading this.